When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth.. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly..
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions:
• She didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
• She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me.
• But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning
I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms..." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me..... She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... Jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs.. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said.
I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more.. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up.. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah......blah...blah.
These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.
Do have a real happy marriage, if you’re married.
If you’re not married…
Just believe!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
What a Night!
It was a very wet Friday night, yeah this last Friday of the month of September. for those of us who live in Lagos, it is no news how the day ended with torrents of rain bringing with it loads of lightening and thunder and in its wake ...loads of heavy traffic...well for me the situation wasn't any different, more so considering the fact that I stay in an area that is synonymous with traffic: Akowonjo! Well I'd save you the details of our journey home that night since my story begins from the tail end of the journey(i go with the company staff bus). Ok, so like I said it was a rainy night and through all the traffic by the time we got to my end the time was far spent and as the rain was so unexpected I was without an umbrella, unfortunately my stop is three streets away from my house which for me is about 7minutes' walk. Now I knew I wasn't ready to walk all the way home without some protection against the rain so I did what I thought was most convenient for me: I called home just as we were atop the bridge and asked my mum to send down Sadia, our house help, with a pair of slippers and an umbrella which was what she did.
At this point guys, for you to truly understand the story here I have to give you a rough idea of the bearings to my house, so please, indulge me a few minutes, trust me it'll be worth your while...Akowonjo is an area in Lagos notorious for its terribly heavy, and eclectic, traffic flow which usually begins from Ikeja-along, a traffic flow so jammed that it turns a 10minutes' journey into an hour sometimes an hour thirty minutes. All this in the bid to get into Akowonjo Road, which most times turn out to be free once you descend the bridge which leads a new comer to wonder what the cause of the whole traffic fiasco was all about, but we inhabitants know better than to wonder...anyway, Akowonjo which leads you to Egbeda and so on(these names shei? uhmnn) has a parallel road called Shasha Road which equally leads to Shasha village or somewhere. Well my house is strategically situated in-between both roads which gives any informed driver a good option of either negotiating through Akowonjo to get to my place or through shasha which by the way is more stable traffic wise.
Now back to the event of the night...we were atop the bridge and I called home to make the arrangement, however as we approached the start of Akowonjo road, and shasha, the driver decided to go through shasha as Akowonjo turned out to be jammed! Quickly I called home again to see if I could still catch Sadia but alas she had dutifully left for her post of which I expressly asked that she stayed and waited at the bus stop till I got there...lol, well then I was hopeful that the bus would take another detour out of shasha back to Akowonjo, but the driver was not psychic and I had to be fair to the others in the bus, so I swallowed my protest and I watched the bus bump its way closer to my house and farther away from Sadia
Now, here's the punch...lol..somewhere down the road is also a link road that equally leads to Egbeda which by the way, is the bus' ultimate destination and which...lol...passes by the start of my street! Its a 2minutes walk and a 1minute run to my gate! So I said to myself: funmi don't worry...mo kan (take heart), just drop your bag, change your shoe and walk back to the other side and get Sadia. So, here I was, not sad or whinnying...taking responsibility and doing just as I planned, only thing was, Sadia already had my regular slippers and umbrella So I think to myself, which of my other slippers can I change to and I'd be sure not to slip and fall on the rain soaked muddy road of two of the three streets I'd be walking through to get the girl?????ah, I pull out a bag in my wardrobe gunning for an almost forgotten but solidly strong pair of white when another pair comes into view...a brown leather slippers which I rarely ever wore('cos I thought it never really looked hip enough, thus I could afford to get it wet even though it was leather)...
now guys the next few lines you are going to read, promise me you'd be good to me about it cos you know...am a babe nooow...
so I got out of the house, decked in my leather slippers and a small umbrella that covered at least my hair...it was still raining...i walk briskly past the first house, as I reach the second house, I lift my left leg and it suddenly feels...light..i place it on the floor and I limp! What! The sole just went off! Now am caught between going back home...wasting more time(my mum has to go down the slippery staircase(she is almost 70) in the rain a second time to open the gate for me and wait for me to get back so she could lock up behind me)! So here I am, in the rain, oh did I mention I was in a pair of white three quarters?..lol..making a continuous ninety degrees to and fro for about 10seconds and then I thought..oh burger! I have a pair with Sadia anyway and since this one was a nice pair, it still had a thin layer of leather left under my foot...so decision reached, I picked up the detached sole, umbrella on one hand, with a slight limp in my stride, I continued on my journey to fetch Sadia. Past the second house, third, a row of shops with loads of people on the patio, my other leg experienced a release...yup! I looked back when suddenly the limp stopped and stared at what looked like a white stay-cum-gum on a leather sole that looked like it was in motion but had suddenly stopped moving! I laughed...didn't look up...i thought: do I pick you up too? In my left hand I held the wet muddy sole of the left foot and on the floor stood the more muddy right foot! To pick it up I would have to take a couple of paces back and then whoever wasn't certain before would suddenly become “enlightened” of my ...situation! Remember guys I was in white! Shucks! No one would pick it up before I get back, I thought...so I continued on my journey, now totally liberated from the weighty leather soles of my once upon a time leather slippers! Yes guys, I walked through two mud laden streets with one well known for its pepper-soup joints...and believe me...some guys would defy even the rain to have their daily dose of beer, women and pepper soup...but who send....i walked, laughed and shook my head down the streets in the pouring rain till I got to the last street that leads to the bus stop where I believed Sadia would be waiting ignorantly(poor thing) for me. I make a left turn on this busy road that was more commercial than residential with a market alongside it...half way down the road, I felt a slip...did I mention that the slippers was not an in-between toe kinda design...nope...it was a one-strip across the foot kinda slipper..lol...yup, I had the option of dragging my feet on the wet but thankfully tarred road or just damning it all and walking the rest of the way bare feet! Lol! Actually, I chose the former...”luckily” for me, Sadia decided to stand farther away from the junction so it took a while before I could get a glimpse of her and call her over but not before I got a very funny look from a guy atop an okada who obviously wondered how a decked up girl could top off her attire with a totally dismembered what probably used to be a pair of leather slippers! Ladies and gentlemen, my laughter almost became hysterical...i thought how much worse could this get??? as I turned to change the slippers in-between the hustle and bustle of the okada junction, I heard a hunk behind me and my heart sunk as tears just barely lurked at the back of my eyes, I watched the official bus turn in from Egbeda into Samuel street(the tarred road)...let me explain...after the bus dropped me off it headed straight to Egbeda to drop off the rest of the crew, knowing that the driver stays in shasha, I assumed (again) that he'd simply make a U-turn back to shasha, but instead, in did what I had hoped he'd do but didn't bother asking...he drove down Egbeda and back through Akowonjo to detour again through my end...if I had stayed on the bus, I would at that moment only called for Sadia into the bus and we would have alighted at the start of my street and done a 2minutes' walk home.
I watched the bus glide down the road...i smiled, shook my head...laughed a little and said to myself: this I have to share with my peeps, hopefully, if any is as humorously imaginative as moi....you would have shared in the silliness of my Friday night experience!
Shalom.
p.s; life is a journey with a certain end, the choices we make would determine the experiences we gain, good or bad, the end is what matters, lets get there in good shape...let your experiences make you, not mar you...be strong...never loose sight of your vision, never loose your sense of humour...live well...love well...that way, even when you pass on (not away), you will continue to live in the hearts and thoughts of all those you have touched(not necessarily those you loved, but those you touched).
At this point guys, for you to truly understand the story here I have to give you a rough idea of the bearings to my house, so please, indulge me a few minutes, trust me it'll be worth your while...Akowonjo is an area in Lagos notorious for its terribly heavy, and eclectic, traffic flow which usually begins from Ikeja-along, a traffic flow so jammed that it turns a 10minutes' journey into an hour sometimes an hour thirty minutes. All this in the bid to get into Akowonjo Road, which most times turn out to be free once you descend the bridge which leads a new comer to wonder what the cause of the whole traffic fiasco was all about, but we inhabitants know better than to wonder...anyway, Akowonjo which leads you to Egbeda and so on(these names shei? uhmnn) has a parallel road called Shasha Road which equally leads to Shasha village or somewhere. Well my house is strategically situated in-between both roads which gives any informed driver a good option of either negotiating through Akowonjo to get to my place or through shasha which by the way is more stable traffic wise.
Now back to the event of the night...we were atop the bridge and I called home to make the arrangement, however as we approached the start of Akowonjo road, and shasha, the driver decided to go through shasha as Akowonjo turned out to be jammed! Quickly I called home again to see if I could still catch Sadia but alas she had dutifully left for her post of which I expressly asked that she stayed and waited at the bus stop till I got there...lol, well then I was hopeful that the bus would take another detour out of shasha back to Akowonjo, but the driver was not psychic and I had to be fair to the others in the bus, so I swallowed my protest and I watched the bus bump its way closer to my house and farther away from Sadia
Now, here's the punch...lol..somewhere down the road is also a link road that equally leads to Egbeda which by the way, is the bus' ultimate destination and which...lol...passes by the start of my street! Its a 2minutes walk and a 1minute run to my gate! So I said to myself: funmi don't worry...mo kan (take heart), just drop your bag, change your shoe and walk back to the other side and get Sadia. So, here I was, not sad or whinnying...taking responsibility and doing just as I planned, only thing was, Sadia already had my regular slippers and umbrella So I think to myself, which of my other slippers can I change to and I'd be sure not to slip and fall on the rain soaked muddy road of two of the three streets I'd be walking through to get the girl?????ah, I pull out a bag in my wardrobe gunning for an almost forgotten but solidly strong pair of white when another pair comes into view...a brown leather slippers which I rarely ever wore('cos I thought it never really looked hip enough, thus I could afford to get it wet even though it was leather)...
now guys the next few lines you are going to read, promise me you'd be good to me about it cos you know...am a babe nooow...
so I got out of the house, decked in my leather slippers and a small umbrella that covered at least my hair...it was still raining...i walk briskly past the first house, as I reach the second house, I lift my left leg and it suddenly feels...light..i place it on the floor and I limp! What! The sole just went off! Now am caught between going back home...wasting more time(my mum has to go down the slippery staircase(she is almost 70) in the rain a second time to open the gate for me and wait for me to get back so she could lock up behind me)! So here I am, in the rain, oh did I mention I was in a pair of white three quarters?..lol..making a continuous ninety degrees to and fro for about 10seconds and then I thought..oh burger! I have a pair with Sadia anyway and since this one was a nice pair, it still had a thin layer of leather left under my foot...so decision reached, I picked up the detached sole, umbrella on one hand, with a slight limp in my stride, I continued on my journey to fetch Sadia. Past the second house, third, a row of shops with loads of people on the patio, my other leg experienced a release...yup! I looked back when suddenly the limp stopped and stared at what looked like a white stay-cum-gum on a leather sole that looked like it was in motion but had suddenly stopped moving! I laughed...didn't look up...i thought: do I pick you up too? In my left hand I held the wet muddy sole of the left foot and on the floor stood the more muddy right foot! To pick it up I would have to take a couple of paces back and then whoever wasn't certain before would suddenly become “enlightened” of my ...situation! Remember guys I was in white! Shucks! No one would pick it up before I get back, I thought...so I continued on my journey, now totally liberated from the weighty leather soles of my once upon a time leather slippers! Yes guys, I walked through two mud laden streets with one well known for its pepper-soup joints...and believe me...some guys would defy even the rain to have their daily dose of beer, women and pepper soup...but who send....i walked, laughed and shook my head down the streets in the pouring rain till I got to the last street that leads to the bus stop where I believed Sadia would be waiting ignorantly(poor thing) for me. I make a left turn on this busy road that was more commercial than residential with a market alongside it...half way down the road, I felt a slip...did I mention that the slippers was not an in-between toe kinda design...nope...it was a one-strip across the foot kinda slipper..lol...yup, I had the option of dragging my feet on the wet but thankfully tarred road or just damning it all and walking the rest of the way bare feet! Lol! Actually, I chose the former...”luckily” for me, Sadia decided to stand farther away from the junction so it took a while before I could get a glimpse of her and call her over but not before I got a very funny look from a guy atop an okada who obviously wondered how a decked up girl could top off her attire with a totally dismembered what probably used to be a pair of leather slippers! Ladies and gentlemen, my laughter almost became hysterical...i thought how much worse could this get??? as I turned to change the slippers in-between the hustle and bustle of the okada junction, I heard a hunk behind me and my heart sunk as tears just barely lurked at the back of my eyes, I watched the official bus turn in from Egbeda into Samuel street(the tarred road)...let me explain...after the bus dropped me off it headed straight to Egbeda to drop off the rest of the crew, knowing that the driver stays in shasha, I assumed (again) that he'd simply make a U-turn back to shasha, but instead, in did what I had hoped he'd do but didn't bother asking...he drove down Egbeda and back through Akowonjo to detour again through my end...if I had stayed on the bus, I would at that moment only called for Sadia into the bus and we would have alighted at the start of my street and done a 2minutes' walk home.
I watched the bus glide down the road...i smiled, shook my head...laughed a little and said to myself: this I have to share with my peeps, hopefully, if any is as humorously imaginative as moi....you would have shared in the silliness of my Friday night experience!
Shalom.
p.s; life is a journey with a certain end, the choices we make would determine the experiences we gain, good or bad, the end is what matters, lets get there in good shape...let your experiences make you, not mar you...be strong...never loose sight of your vision, never loose your sense of humour...live well...love well...that way, even when you pass on (not away), you will continue to live in the hearts and thoughts of all those you have touched(not necessarily those you loved, but those you touched).
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